Often times when people see me that haven’t seen me in a while, they say, “hey, Chuck, you look great! What have you been doing?”  Not wanting to bore people who have know interest, I simply say, “I’ve been on a diet.”

Frequently, the response is something like, “diets don’t work for me, I find that if I just eat a balanced diet, that is the best thing.”  My judgment of their statement, for them, honestly, is based upon my unspoken value judgment of how it seems to be work for them.  One guy in my neighborhood has not only lost weight and kept it off with the, “just eat a balanced diet and walk a lot,” diet.  That is great for him, and frankly, he is a power of example for me.  But, he is not an example of what I can do.  Because, what I know to be true is that for 25 years I tried the eat balanced and walk a lot diet and failed miserably on all counts.  So, it has been necessary for me to eat an imbalanced diet that has as its primary goal, the loss of fat.  That is just what I’ve had to do.

This is something I blog about, because one of the judgmental voices in my head is – “oh come on Chuck, what’s the big deal, why don’t you just man up, eat balanced and walk a lot,” and I’m writing this to remind me that I tried that for a very long time and it was something I personally was not able to be successful at doing.

Interestingly enough, now that I have been successful at knocking off some pounds, I’m becoming more successful at walking a lot and have thrown swimming in there of late as well.  In fact, my increased activity may be accounting for some of the slowdown in my weight loss as muscle starts to form.

The answer for me, once the diet ends, is going to be another lifetime program – such as the Zone diet or something that the nutritionist creates for me because left to my own devices, I must admit, I really don’t make great food choices!!




At a networking event, a real estate lawyer and another person were talking.

“I was thinking about investing in homes in foreclosure or underwater with their mortgage … you know; try to figure out a way to make some money out of this tough economic environment.”

The attorney responded, “The problem is …” and proceeded to put the person to whom he was talking to asleep with an astute legal description of all the associated legal issues.

I inserted myself into the conversation and asked the real estate lawyer if he knew of a realtor who would know how to help a client navigate these difficult waters.

“Oh, sure,” he said.

“Who is it?”

He told me.

Being as that we were in a networking situation and they know me as a coach, I asked them if they minded if I rewound their conversation and demonstrated what a good networking conversation would look like.  They agreed.

So, the first guy repeated what he was looking for.

I pretended to be the lawyer and said, “I know a great real estate agent that can help you with that, would you like to talk with him/her?”

That is a conversation that might actually result in business which is the business of networking.  Networking and whatever you do for a living are two different skills.  When entering a networking environment, remember, this is not the place to demonstrate everything you know, but rather, the place to connect and help other do the same.

Coach Chuck



Networking, for the most part, needs to be fun.  The stiff lipped amongst may ask, “Why does it need to be fun?”

Simply put, networking is about making personal connection and we are the most ready, willing and able to make that personal connection when we are having fun.

So, if there is something you love or enjoy very much (such as antiquing, motorcycling, quilting, private aviation, art, fine wines, religious and philanthropic activities) and if the demographics of the other people that enjoy those activities fit the profile of your prospective client, get more involved and have more fun.  Obviously, this is a group where your networking will consist more of simply showing up, being an active high profile participant and finding some way of letting it be known what you do.  This is not an area where others would appreciate being marketed to in a direct way, because, like you, this is where they come to relax.  But, over the long term, being a valued member of this social group and letting them know what you do and that you are always open to referrals, is often a great way to build a high quality network.

When you meet others in your social groups that are interested in building their network, be helpful to them in their endeavors.  This creates a networking friendly atmosphere with the primary focus on Fun.  And when we are having fun, personal connections are easy to make.

Coach Chuck



Effective networking is a process that combines formal or structured networking with informal networking, along with your own commitment to be a part of other peoples’ sales team.  Nothing illustrates this more than the following example.

I walk into my favorite coffee shop, Longfellow’s in Jefferson, New Jersey:

Bruce the Owner says, “hi Chuck,” as he goes to make my usual black decaf and says, “I’d like you to meet Jerry,” (An informal contact) who was standing with his fresh cup of coffee.

“Hi, Jerry,” I reach out to shake his hand, “and, what is it that you do?”

Jerry proceeds to tell me that he has a business where he will help negotiate municipal offences and the client doesn’t pay unless Jerry saves them money on the fines. (gerald.vadas@cjviolations.net).

I was very excited to meet him, because two days previous I’d had a formal networking meeting with Julie Ann Woods from my BNI group that meets at the Marriott on Route 10 in New Jersey each Wednesday morning at 7 AM.  Julie Woods (Julie.woods@sprint.com) represents a product that lets fleet owners know where their vehicles are and everything about what they are doing.

Without skipping a beat, I said, “I’ve got some one you have got to meet,” and had my cell phone out and Julie’s number dialed before I introduced myself.

The connection between these two has great potential.

One of the really joyous things about networking is that I was just as excited about connecting the two of them as I would be about one of them referring to me.  They know that.  They will be on the look out for ways to refer me.  I know that.

Coach Chuck



Networking is how we develop a sales team through the process of personal connections, by building purposeful relationships.  To be an effective networker, we are just as committed to being on other peoples’ sales teams as we are in building our own. That means.  That means we listen to, pay attention to and focus on what other people need.  That is how the personal connection is made.

If we actually listen to some one, we may be the only person that day, or for some people, much longer, who have actually paid attention to what they are saying.  Further, in this age of e-mail, junk mail, pay per click, twitter, digital billboard, we all have the experience of a never ending supply of people trying to extract something from us.  What a breath of fresh air it is when some one actually wants to help.  If they do the same for you, then there is a possibility that a real relationship can be formed.

Coach Chuck




In networking, you goal is to:

  1. Meet prospective referral sources and develop a contact sphere
  2. To meet prospective clients.*

In a networking environment where people meet on a regular basis you might walk up to Mary and say, “Mary, when you were talking, you mentioned that you are a business attorney.  As you know I am a business coach.  When you said that you like to approach issues in (and then you paraphrase something she said) that resonated with me.  I think you and I think about business in the same way.  Maybe we could help each other get business, what do you think?”  If the networking environment is one where you don’t know the people you are sharing the room with, it becomes very key to you develop questions that help you to quickly establish whether the person you are speaking with is a prospective client, referral source or neither.

If you get a positive response, set up a time to either meet or talk on the phone to follow-up further.

If you are a business attorney, for example, and you heard some one say something about their business partner, you might say:  “I heard you mention something about your partner.  I’ve worked extensively with partnerships … I’d like to meet with you to see if there are ways I could be helpful to you.  Would you like that?”

If the response is positive, make arrangements and move on.

This type of approach works well because it sets the table for when you do meet, as to what the meeting is about.

Meet in a way that is comfortable, where both feel free to talk.  This is information gathering.  Whether this is a meeting with a prospective client or a referral source, this meeting is all about listening to their issues to see if you can help.  While the meeting has a high level of comfort, there should also be a structure.  After listening to their situation, this is when you have an opportunity to say something to the effect of, “this is how I see it….” and then let them know that you have heard, digested and interpreted what they had to say.  And follow up with, “this is how I think I could be of help,” and then describe in broad strokes, without giving away the store, what you would do.  If this is a prospective referral source, you might give an example of how you would refer them and then say, “Likewise, with me, you might say …” and then give an example of how you can be referred.  If this is a prospective client, after you have said how you might be able to help them, you simply ask, “How does that sound to you?”  This is one of many times when shutting your mouth and letting the other person speak first is key.  If they say they like the idea, say something to close the deal, such as, “my retainer for this would be X and you would be billed at Y per hour.  Are you ready to get started?”  Another approach is to ask if they have questions about your services and how they work.  This is where they will often ask about pricing.  In either case, this is another moment when silence is important.  Let them work it out for themselves.  This is not a hard sell.  This is one in which the prospective client has articulated their issue, you have offered a solution and it is up to the prospective client to think it through and say what they want


Whatever the outcome of this discussion, you will want to decide what kind of follow-up, if any, you want to have with this individual.  If it is a referral source, my suggestion would be to suggest that two of you touch base in no more than two weeks.  At that time, you will discuss any opportunities that have arisen to refer the other person, how it went and how it might be improved.  Continue this process and a great power team will be created.  If it is with the prospective client, the follow up will be about getting started working together or whatever your business proposition happens to be.

You should always know your conversion rates.  How many prospective clients come out of how many hours of networking?  This will help you evaluate the value of a given networking venue and/or the value of your networking abilities. What is your conversion rate of prospective clients into clients?  This will help you understand your effectiveness when you meet prospective clients.  Likewise with referral sources, it is very important to track where your clients come from to know which of your referral sources are the most valuable.  Certainly it is important to cultivate new referral sources, but it is more important to maintain and improve current good ones.  Just like it is much cheaper to keep a current client happy than it is to get a new client, the same thing applies to referral sources.

In summary, early in the networking process you quickly determine if there is a connection and what the nature of that connection is.  If there is, you let the other person know what the possible connection is you see and that you’d like to meet them and explore it further.  When you meet, you listen until the person has really had a chance to fully express themselves and then let them know that you were listening by saying back to them what you heard and what you think the most important issues are.  You offer a solution and see if they want to continue.  Decide if there is going to be a follow up.  If so, schedule the follow up and describe what you hope to accomplish in that follow up meeting.

This is a manner of networking that has the potential of yielding great results.

*See previous blog, “What is the Purpose of Networking?”

Coach Chuck



Why Do We Network?

July 22, 2010

The purpose of networking can be broken down into two categories:

  1. Meet and arranging follow-up with prospective clients.
  2. Meet and arranging to follow-up with prospective referral sources.

A great referral relationship is created when people meet the same clients in a noncompetitive way and feel comfortable referring them to each other. Ex:  A CPA meets with business owners on a regular basis.  I am a business coach.  I don’t do accounting work.  The CPA doesn’t do Coaching.  This has the potential of being a great referral relationship.

The success or lack thereof of each networking event is measured in the quality and quantity of prospective clients and prospective referral sources that are obtained in the event.

Coach Chuck