Weight Loss, What’s it All About

August 19, 2010

The weight that I’ve carried is the accumulation of frustrated nights standing alone in front of the fridge eating a pint of ice cream while I figured out what to eat, of comforting moments away from my worries in restaurants where they treat me like a a patron instead of the escape artist I am.  It is the accumulation of emotion, of tragedy that my life has known, and the fears that never happened, of my broken heart and the hearts I have broken. Meals have validated my exaggerated sense of self and buried my low self worth.  My weight has been a burden but it has also saved me from feeling my pain.  Finally, however, the joy my weight has kept me from, outweighed (literally) the pain it kept at bay.  My fear is that it will be back, my faith is in a vision of a better self that takes care.  It is the faith I plan to feed and let the fear slip into entropy and fade, fade, fade away.



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